ADAM MCOMBER / THE PROPERTY BROTHERS ARE DATING
I saw them at a restaurant in Topanga Canyon. It was a nice Italian place, white tablecloths and candles. They held hands across the table, Drew and Jonathan. They have surprisingly large hands. At the end of dinner, they kissed. Full, masculine lips. Dark hair. Dark eyes. One of them always has a beard. The world makes its own demons, you know? Every temple is a diagram of the powers permitted to enter it. The Property Brothers television show always begins in the same way. A naïve couple explains what they want: a large, beautiful home in a desirable neighborhood. Maybe it’s in Modesto. Maybe Carroll Gardens. Drew takes them to see several such homes. They fall in love with one but soon discover the house costs far more than they can afford. Jonathan intercedes. He shows them renderings. He demonstrates how a less appealing house could become the home of their dreams. Imagine Solomon’s Temple. Imagine the Pagan Mausoleum at Halicarnassus. Did you know there are Mycenaean symbols etched on Stonehenge? We should ask ourselves: what must it be like in their bed? Long legs and long arms. The bristling of chest hair. A musk of expensive cologne. I imagine them touching in secret. They speak a language they invented long ago. Whispered incantations. In every house, there are rooms that none of us can see.
Adam McOmber is the author of six novels: The White Forest, Jesus and John, The Ghost Finders, Hound of the Baskervilles, Snow and Wax and Mercury, and With Blood Upon His Teeth. He is also the author of three short story collections: This New & Poisonous Air, My House Gathers Desires, and Fantasy Kit. He is co-chair of the MFA in Writing Program at Vermont College of Fine Arts, editor-in-chief of Hunger Mountain, and director of the VCFA Writers' Conference.