ORION ALLEN / 2 POEMS
Matrix Worry
A city is half wolves, half wombs. Who determined this body for purpose. What stretches and leeches and loads. The roads are a cube, are matter, are for sale and partitioned. The box has value that is appreciated. A gravid female’s a prize for possession. That which it makes is that which it is. Prayers mostly gravel-oriented. Drainage. Never been a sustainable ecosystem. From the throat or neck, a re gurgitation. The bodies with spines are the bodies of ants. Product of pleasure, if pleasure is a burden. Can a pattern rear. Is there culture in a system. Mother’s calling: fontanel fontanel fontanel. Matrix mater womb. Mammal mamma breast.
Questions
If my sister dies will there be a service. Is strength visible anywhere. Have I been hurt and broken. Does Jesus see me lie. Is God’s strength visible anywhere. Does the Father feed me wafers as if he would like to touch my tongue. Am I a leaky vessel. If I do not forgive will it poison my spirit. Will I commit her to His keeping. Can God restore a broken building. Can God restore a broken harbor. Can God lift incredible weights. Can God tell us apart. Does God work in mysterious ways in my life or in the lives of those whose sisters are dying. Is God someone’s property. Is compassionate God mother to all. Did Jesus breastfeed. Did Jesus mind the breastfeeding mothers on the train. Does God watch me tweaking. Does God answer every call. Does God answer every call made while I’m cumming. Can God restore my dignity. Does Jesus work from the inside out or inside in. Did Jesus have a preferred way of putting on his shoes. Must I love God more than I love my sister. Can God save the sister who dreams day after day about eating pussy. Does God like getting His pussy eaten. Has God ever been held. Has God ever been held as if by a sister. Has God ever come. Won’t God place a wall of protection around me. Won’t God place a wall of protection around my vagina. Where is my virginity. If I masturbate does that make God horny. Has God ever felt the texture of my vagina, its ridges. Did Mary ever masturbate. Did Mary love her baby. Did she wish he never died. Did Mary curse God. Did she feel as if her child had been stolen, as if by addiction. Where but for the grace of God do I go. Am I free from licking my fingers. Am I free from licking my fingers that are covered with the juices of sex. Am I free from enjoying it. Did Mary get her period. Did Mary get her period until she died of old age. Did Mary get her period with Jesus in her stomach. Did Mary ever lose her hymen. Was God there when my hymen was ruptured. Is God there at every gathering. Does Jesus think me a dirty little whore. Was Jesus there when the man from Craigslist came over, wanting to be abused. Did I enjoy abusing him. Did Jesus hear the man’s calls for him. Did Jesus see how I stepped on his flaccid penis. Did Jesus see how I twisted his balls until he was screaming for mercy. Did Jesus see the pretty red welts on his asscheeks. If my sister dies what happens. Must I be healed to wholeness. Have I been torn open. Would Jesus say that to me, you have been torn open. Will God appear to me as an STD. Will God appear to me as a different kind of burning bush. Did God send every virus. Does God want all of us to slowly die. What if outside the tomb Mary cursed everything. What if Jesus masturbated. Did God watch Jesus masturbate. What if Jesus had a sister. What if Jesus’s sister had been hurt and broken. What if she had been torn open. Wasn’t Mary’s progeny forcibly ended. Do I fit through the eye of a hurricane. Does God’s Spirit move like jizz. I that believeth am I like jizz. I that hunger am I like Jesus. Is God a bottom. Am I richer than Jesus. Am I richer than Mary the Virgin. Does Jesus die within me. When does ecstasy feel like death. Will the Spirit dwell in my mouth. If the starving loins pray will they be delivered from temptation. Does Jesus judge me for anonymous sex or just anonymous sex in a pandemic. Will I one day be as rich as Joseph. Did Joseph love his bastard. Did Joseph ever get a boner. Did he feel as if his child was taken from him, as if by addiction. Does God grant my sisters wealth and happiness in order to teach me a lesson. Does God grant me wealth and happiness in order to teach my sisters a lesson. Does God watch me covet. What if Mary wanted her baby to grow into a mediocre man. What if Mary wanted grandchildren. Was I ever a virgin. If I masturbated when Jesus was in my heart is he complicit. If I masturbated with the Bible is God complicit. Did God try to preserve me from defilement. Does God send tornadoes to favor large corporations. Is God Jeff Bezos’s friend. Do God and Jeff Bezos play card games on weekends. Has God ever worn a leather jacket and a butch cut. If I ask God to save me should I rule out instantaneous changes. Has God ever been bullied. Has God ever been spat on. Has God ever rubbed His thighs together on the train. Does He know how to relieve pressure. What if Mary cursed God. What if God could taste it. What if the disciples were a sex cult. What if mass makes me horny. What if I can’t sit through mass without banging my head and gnashing my teeth. What if I want to fuck the Father. What if when he places a wafer in my mouth I suck on his finger. What if he cums right there in his robes. Where is God’s strength. Is it in His quads. Does He have tight abs. If my sister dies how would I excuse God. My sister. If I have a baby is that baby His. Does God watch us as much as Facebook. Has God forgiven rapists before He forgave their victims. Does God have a tongue.
Orion Allen is a poet, bartender, and teacher living in Iowa.