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always crashing

CAT LEECHES / THERE IS MORE SPERM IN THE NIGHT SKY THAN STARS IN THE BACK OF MY THROAT

June 22, 2021  /  Always Crashing

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OR

Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself and drench them in spit.

i once made love to a woman who pulled a molar out of her gums and inserted it into my ass cheek / i must admit that her mouth was over-crowded / there seemed to be more than teeth in there / more teeth than you could possibly expect / more teeth than bacteria or continents / but when we had dinner / i found the imperfection / charming / a sign of good dental health / i wondered what insurance did she have / did she take probiotics / i thought of the dead in vesuvius’s maw / and their excellent bone structure / would someone look at her corpse / and marvel, just as i did once (for a different body) and am doing now (with her body) / a thousand years in the future / school-children, who for the rest of the day, could only think about her teeth? / still blooming with fluoridation / and worms frozen in the arctic for 41,000 years / thawed and flash-frozen again / injected into Crest 3D Whitening Toothpaste / still trapped in the perfect mausoleum of her mouth? / when is it okay for children to stare plainly at the dead / and not at least, pretend to avert their eyes? / i myself have a few gaps in my genome / which have long made me / self-conscious / my corpse will look like a corpse / i cover my mouth with my hands whenever i talk or chew / She gave me a floral band-aid to cover the wound / the flowers were generic: they resembled no known species / what i mean is / they weren’t a trademark / you couldn’t sell them / flowers only for the dispossessed / I wondered how did i even know they were flowers? / “No one will know it is there, but me,” she said / she said shesaidand said… / we then proceeded to make love / but i was no longer sure of this coupling / she pressed her fingers into my skin / just a little too hard and without kindness / in the way someone might squash an ant / what i mean is: this wasn’t a body / she wanted to caress / i mean is: maybe she saw insects all over me / she wanted to kill them / before they sunk below the skin / stole away her tooth to a secret / compartment in my body / not even i knew about / i did not like this type of love-making / i did not yet know what type of love-making i liked / i am an uninspired lover / just hungry / i forgot about the incident for a while / until i had sex with a man / he was an alcoholic / this is his defining feature / he accused my ass of biting his thigh maliciously / he brought photos of his wound to court / and he was allowed to whip me publicly / in front of both our families / twenty times / his marriage recovered / beautifully / i had not known he was married.


Cat Ingrid Leeches is a writer, adjunct, and editor. Their work has appeared in Hayden's Ferry Review, Denver Quarterly, and elsewhere. They have a chapbook out with Garden-Door Press, and can be found on twitter at Lizard_Eyes.

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